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Hello and Welcome to Medical Monday!
This Week’s Topic: Zombies?
I know you all are repacking your BOB and making sure you have enough ammo because of the recent events of people eating people. Science and Medicine will NEVER admit to a zombie apocalypse. Does that automatically mean it is happening? No.
We as doctors cannot wrap our heads around the idea that if it doesn’t have a heartbeat and it isn’t breathing, that it can get up and devour human flesh. There is no proof that the “Miami Zombie” was dead. There is proof that he ate someone’s face off. THERE IS NO PROOF HE WAS ON DRUGS. Not yet anyway. We shall have to wait for the toxicology report to clear this issue up.
A “Zombie virus” that somehow alters cells in the brain to not use oxygen as its primary source of transferring electrons to create energy would be an awesome thing to behold. But it doesn’t exist. One single virus that isn’t even considered alive by science, isn’t going to somehow figure out how to re-design billions of years of evolution. Let’s put our “big boys and girls” hats on and really think about that one. Stop using magical thinking. Not ever going to happen.
Yeah there has been some strange shit that has been going on with people eating other people and weird rashes and whatnot. So what? Do you know how much crazy shit I see during the week? Some fucking guy told me he was a dinosaur today. A MOTHERFUCKING DINOSAUR. (He was a brachiosaurus in case you were wondering). And he was not a dinosaur from this planet, but from another planet. So seriously people! If you saw the medical craziness I see every damn day, and it was reported on TV every strange health problem that went down, your heads would spin. So of course people want to read about more people who act like zombies and BOOM every random medical story that somehow relates to zombies is now all over the internet because it is what everyone wants to read. Supply and demand at its finest.
So my friends, what are we to conclude? Well, first, still pack your BOB. Second, don’t do drugs. Third, don’t spend all your money and quit your day job.