We all say that we’re preparing for the zombie apocalypse. But those of us with more than two brain cells know that in reality we’re preparing for as many apocalyptic eventualities as possible. As much as we may like the world to crumble under the weight of millions of rotting corpses, we know the apocalypse could come in many other forms: Economic collapse, alien invasion, pandemic, God deciding he’s had enough of our shit, mutated man eating tomatoes, the list goes on. But that’s just MOST of us, there are some people out there however who seem to act as if the world ending due to zombies is inevitable.
You may know some of these types. These people view films like Zombieland as a how to survive the zompocs guide, instead of the fictitious, stupid fucking rule filled, two dimensional character filled, pile of shit it actually is. They view survival guides with the word ‘zombie’ somewhere in the title as actually being of some use (I have the SAS survival hand guide myself) instead of how the rest of us view them… as ways for lazy people to make money. They’ll buy anything branded with the word ‘zombie’ because for some reason they think these products will work better on a creature that to date has never existed than a similar product that doesn’t have the branding, and only costs half as much.
These people argue amongst themselves for hours about which ammunition they should use to take down zombies, and what body armour they should wear to protect themselves. But possibly the most disturbing thing I see in these people is their sheer narrow mindedness “I read it in a book” “I saw it in a film” “I read it in a comic so it must be true” will someone please tell these people that none of this shit is factual. “Films and TV have shown us we should use guns rarely because the zombies will hear them” how the fuck do they know if zombies will hear a gun or not? Just because it happens in fiction it doesn’t mean it’ll happen in real life! For all we know zombies will have x-ray vision, spit venom and be deaf as a post! They might be able to smell us from miles off. So what good will all your fancy stealth tactics be to you then.
However we must never get upset with these people, instead we should gently try and guide them to the path of intelligence and common sense. If though that fails we should feel pity for these poor dumb fucks, and when the zombies do show up steer as wide a path around them as we can.
“I’ll be back!” >Arnie<