The information provided on this website, such as text, graphics, images, is for informational purposes ONLY. It is not to be construed as medical care or medical advice and is not a replacement for medical care given by physicians or trained medical personnel. ZombieApocalypseAcademy.org does not directly or indirectly practice medicine. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider(s) when experiencing symptoms or health problems, or before starting any new treatment.
Welcome (Back) to Medical Monday!
Todayâ€™s Topic is: BABIES
So I just spent 6 weeks delivering babies! It was a lot of fun! I got pretty good at it so Iâ€™m going to take you through how to deliver a baby! Remember, we have doctors and hospitals that are not full of zombies now. The best place to deliver a baby is in the hospital where, if needed, a c-section can be performed. Woman and babies will die in childbirth at a much higher rate in the apocalypse due to the multitude of things that can (and do) go wrong. Trust me, I worked with a high-risk OB. I have seen a lot of scary shit.
You will need:
-At least 3 towels
-A thin piece of string
-Sutures if you can get them
-A Bulb suction (The thing you suck snot out of a babyâ€™s nose)
The first step is not to do anything until the woman feels like she has to push. Donâ€™t make her push if she doesnâ€™t feel the need to. A womanâ€™s body will let her know when she needs to push. If she pushes when she doesnâ€™t feel the urge to push, she will be wasting valuable energy. When she does push, have your two assistants pull her bent legs back as far as they will go as she pushes. The goal is get her knees to her ears. The woman should be propped up with pillows so she is kind-of siting up.
When she starts feeling the need to push, make sure she is lying on a bed where there is room for the baby to fall onto something soft, and not plummet to the ground. Those suckers come out fast and you donâ€™t want to drop it! Also, you will need two people to hold one leg each of the mom and an assistant to pass you instruments and help you if you need it.
The woman will push until the babyâ€™s head comes out. You can put a towel between her vagina and rectum and apply mild pressure to prevent tearing. When the babyâ€™s head fully comes out, tell the woman to stop pushing. Suck the mucus out of the babyâ€™s mouth and nose. You have to stick the suction bulb to the back of the babyâ€™s mouth, almost into the throat, to suction out all of the mucus. Spend a total of 7 seconds, not more than 10 seconds doing this.
Now to deliver the babyâ€™s body. Ask the woman to push when she feels the next contraction. While she is pushing, pull the babyâ€™s head out and down. When you feel the top shoulder deliver. Pull the babyâ€™s head out and up. The baby will FLY out at this point. Let the baby fall on the bed where there will be a towel waiting. The two assistants will tend to the baby. They will clean the baby off and make sure the baby keeps crying. While the assistants are doing that, you will tie a string around the umbilical cord about 1 inch above the stomach. Cut the cord above the string and let the umbilical cord drain blood. The baby then can immediately have his or her first meal. This is important because breast feeding releases a hormone that will help the uterus shrink down and help the placenta be delivered.
Now you have to deliver the placenta. The key is to pull on the umbilical cord, but it is easy to break. You want to pull on the cord gently, but firmly. It can take up to 30 minutes for the placenta to be ready. You will feel the placenta give way and have the woman push one last time, and you deliver the placenta. Make sure it is has no obvious pieces missing. If there are pieces missing, you have to stick your hand into the UTERUS (which is past the vaginaâ€¦so you are in up to the elbow) and scrape the remaining placenta off the wall of the uterus. So donâ€™t break the cord or yank the placenta out too fast.
If there are any tears, you can put in running sutures. Most women donâ€™t need any. We put in a lot of sutures today to help the woman heal faster but she would be fine without them.
Moral of the Story: Babies donâ€™t come from the stork